It's the only way to change.

You've probably heard the saying, "The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions over and over again and expecting a different result." It's easy to spot other people repeating the same mistakes over and over, usually with a little help of hindsight. It's easy to become discouraged when something doesn't work the first time, or the second, or the fifth. Perhaps you should give up. Perhaps you need to give up.

And maybe you should.

Unless you are learning.

So, with that in mind, here are two hints for making your "again" less insane.

Identify the correct feedback loop.

We learn through feedback loops. As humans, our feedback loops are short! Do not expect to learn something if the results (feedback) do not follow the action, or if the results are ambiguous. It's very easy to "learn" incorrectly when an action has a short term benefit, but a larger long term detriment. For parents, this is why positive reinforcement can feel unitive. It's easy to confuse the short term regression to a baseline behavior from the overall character development.

Consider the following example. First, a dog misbehaves, the owner punishes the dog. The dog performs better the next time. Second, dog excels, the owner rewards them. Then the dog performs worse the next time.

What's the short term feedback loop look? Punishment = better behavior, and reward = worse behavior. However, this is actually incorrect. All the owner is actually observing is a reversion to the dog's average behavior. Over time, positive reinforcement will vastly improve the dog's average behavior. We don't learn well over longer timespans… unless we are intentionally studying them.

If you want to excel, get a coach.

A coach, expert, or instructor will improve your chances of learning and learning rapidly. That's because they are responsible for structure, and for keeping the appropriate perspective. Who should you ask for wedding advice? Your cousin who's had exactly one wedding… or a wedding planner, who's experienced 100s of weddings?

Having a coach allows you to focus on your experience. It offloads the cognitive load of the effort of focusing on "learning" and lets you focus on the execution.

It allows you to focus on the "again".

P.S. If you're interested in improving, and are curious if I'm the right coach for you, you can schedule a free 30-minute session here.

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